How Most Affairs End

How Most Affairs End – Part 4 of 4 of our Affairs Series

This is the fourth and final of four posts in our “Affair” series. The first three posts discussed why people want to have an affair, how affairs usually start, the “rules” or “patterns” of most affairs when they are happening, and our last post talks about how most affairs end.

How Most Affairs End

First of all, there is an issue with most women having realistic expectations.  When you are in an affair, the psychology behind it is that the person not only seeks companionship, but escape from their current situation.  When an affair turns into a legitimate relationship, then no matter how great the companionship may be, those in the affair lose the “escape” mentality.

Most people underestimate how strong the desire for escape is and what a big part it played in their affair.  When the escape disappears, many people will start to see and feel a lot of the same things that they experienced in their previous, unhappy relationship.

Realistic expectations

Another difficult conversation to have with yourself is whether the person you are having an affair with is likely to cheat on you.  The best predictor for future behavior is current behavior, or in other words, once a cheater, always a cheater.

It seems like most of the self deception comes from the side of the single woman who is in an affair looking for something long term.  She needs to have a bit of a reality check.

The fact is, most men do not move themselves from “comfortable relationships”.  Which means that if the current affair is going well, the man will never think of escalating it to something more concrete or serious.

Another painful realization might be that the man might still love his wife.  It is possible for this conflict to exist for someone, EVEN when they are cheating.  He might not even love the woman he cheats with.

Other Complicating Factors

Just like any relationship, difference in backgrounds typically leads to failure.  If the man and woman come from significantly different socio-economic backgrounds, they are unlikely to ever have success, especially when the foundation for the relationship is built on cheating.

If children are involved, the man may not want to pay child support if he gets divorced.  Or he might not want to put his kids through the emotional wear and tear of a divorce.

Or if the man is wealthy, he man not want to divide his current assets with his wife.

The point is that while it is fairly easy to find people to have an affair with on the internet, it is much more difficult to have the relationship progress to a more serious level.

Getting Caught

Many times, the spouse can feel the affair and will purchase “cheaters” software and download it on the computer.  This is why so many people typically engage in promiscuous activity from work or from their cell phone.  However, even with these precautions, the fact of the matter is that many affairs end because one of both of the parties involved are caught by a significant other.


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